There's Just One Secret
by lukeyandlou
Summary: In his adolescence, Casey Jones has only cried twice. Both were due to Raphael. (RASEY ONESHOT)


_**A/N: Hey guys, I'm back! I have had severe writer's block and limited time, with graduation coming up and all, but I've decided to come up with a one-shot for the one ship of mine that I haven't written. For those of you who are my regular readers, I'm sorry about Pills and Potions – I haven't been feeling it lately, so I don't know when it will be updated but I will not abandon it! Also, some friends and I are going to make a film for Fixing Donnie in June so watch out for that on Youtube. Fun. Anyways, hope you enjoy another of my (sad)urday specials!**_

 **WARNINGS: Language, Character Death**

"Asshole! You blue shelled me!"

Casey gritted his teeth as his cart flew off the side of rainbow road in Mario Kart, a smirk on his best friend's face as he surpasses him into first place. It was the fifth hour now that they had been playing, as Nintendo games were a big privilege for Raph when Casey brought them over, considering he never had access before to any games from the 21st century.

"Should've kept your head up, man!" Raph shouts back, keeping his focus on the road as Casey's cart rejoins the track.

Raph's cockiness disappears when Casey's cart skids just past him into the finish line, coming in first place.

"Hah! Did you ever think you were a match for Casey Jones?!"

"Psh, ten years of playing vs. ten months. If I had played as long as you have, I'd totally hand your ass to you," Raph puffs his lip.

Sometimes, although he would never admit it, Casey was even tempted to let Raph win, because his smile somehow made him smile too.

"And if I had trained as long as you had, I could hand your ass to you in person too," Casey smirks.

"Is that a challenge?" Raph cocked his head.

"A challenge? What's that?" Casey smiled confidently.

"I'll show you!" Raph pounced over to Casey, tackling him and beginning yet another wrestling competition. Casey begins to laugh, which falters his ability to turn over his opponent.

"You knucklehead, you aren't even trying!" Raph sits up.

"That's what _you_ think," Casey retaliates, secretly grabbing a pillow from behind him and smacking it against Raph's cheek.

"Cheater!" Raph responds, grabbing a pillow of his own as they continue to smack each other relentlessly, causing Casey's shoulder to accidently knock over the lamp. If that wasn't enough for them to pause, it was the loud knock against the wall coming from Leo's room.

"Could you guys be quiet and let me get some damn sleep? It's almost 2AM and we have training in the morning!" the muffled voice says.

"Buzzkill!" Raph replies. "We better knock it off before he snitches to Splinter and I lose my sleepover privileges again," he turns to Casey.

"Alright, alright," Casey says, bouncing down onto the mattress and placing the pillow under his neck. "It's getting too much with all the Doritos I overate earlier anyways. We wouldn't want a repeat to what happened with Mikey last time," he giggles.

"That sight was enough for me to never eat another Dorito again. Or at least that's what I said for the first two weeks," Raph chuckles. "Speaking of Mikey, maybe we should start to get to rest so I won't be grumpy in the morning and end up beating his ass for some reason or another."

Raph shuts down Casey's Nintendo and reaches to switch off the light, quickly tiptoeing back into the bed.

"You better not hog all the blankets again," Raph growls.

"I'm underweight, I got anemia or something bro! Isn't that big ass shell enough warmth for ya?" Casey replies.

"Isn't your spine and dusty looking skin enough warmth for ya, smartass?" Raph teases affectionately.

Casey laughs a little and shakes his head, and there is quiet for a second.

 _Why was the quiet so…static?_

The quiet is broken by the scuffling of the blankets as Raph turns to face Casey, his bright emerald eyes shining through the darkness of the frigid sewer bedroom, even though it was July.

"I wish I could sleepover your house one day. That'd be cool," he says nonchalantly.

Casey drops his smile. "I don't think you'd want to. I don't even want to sleep in my house."

"Why not? What's not to love about living somewhere that actually has warm running water and windows you can look out of without fear of being caught? I'd kill to live somewhere like you do," Raph says, a bit annoyed that Casey would be ungrateful for his living privileges.

"Well, I'd kill to live somewhere with a family that isn't broken like you do. You guys fight, but you all love each other. You don't have to be terrified every time the door opens that it will be Splinter coming home drunk, or Mikey bringing in the wrong type of people. That's what I live with, and even though you've seen a lot of dark shit I'll never let you see that. The warm running water ain't worth it," Casey replies sadly.

There is silence again for a moment. It is still static, but this time with a touch of heavy.

"I'm sorry, bud. I didn't know," Raph says, looking a bit ashamed. Casey quickly smiles it off.

"It's all good. A sleepover in the sewers with your mutant ninja best friend? What else in the world could be better?!"

"You've always got a family here Case," Raph smiles, a warmth that isn't often displayed by him. You know, once you turn 18 and can avoid any legal stuff, you can move in here! This room can become our pad. Or maybe one day, mutants will be accepted in society. We could get our own apartment and everything!"

"That'd be so sick!" Casey exclaims. "We can go see the new Marvel movies in an actual theater, and we can go to Kony Island when the rollercoasters are actually working, and we can start going to those backyard punk shows."

"Ah, what a world that would be," Raph smiles bittersweetly. "If that world somehow, in some crazy way, becomes a reality, I wouldn't want to experience it with anyone other than you, Case. My best buddy in the world."

A large smile grows across Casey's face. Why did he have tummy butterflies? Aren't those only for when you start dating a girl or something?

"We're going to have to have jobs or something if we want to make enough money to get food and new games in our pad. What are we going to do? Bounty hunting?" Casey wonders.

"The last thing the world needs is proof of a violent mutant. How about being pet sitters, like with a real profession thing where they pay us and we give out business cards? That'd be tight," Raph imagines.

"Of course, fuckin' animal whisperer," Casey teases. _He almost tells him that it's cute._

"I get scared sometimes, Case. I'll never tell anyone, especially not my brothers. I get scared though, every time I go outside. What if someone flips and we never come home? What if the world never accepts mutants? What if I live the rest of my life down here?" Raph says, suddenly vulnerable, his eyes widening.

Casey's expression softens. "What brought that on, man?"

"It was a secret. I decided that best buddies aren't supposed to keep secrets, ever," Raph says.

Casey sighs. "That ain't going to happen to you. The world sucks ass, but I swear one day it won't. Maybe one day Donnie will do something about it. He always does, even when something seems impossible. Besides, no one is going to fuck with you, Raph. Not without me bashing their skull in."

Raph smiles and nods his head. "Do you got any secrets Case? Other than what you just said about your home life?"

Casey gulps, his eyes shooting open. _Why the hell would that make him nervous?_

"Not right now, buddy. I'm a totally open dude, you know everything there is to know about me," he smiles in pride. "I promise if one ever turns up, you'll be the first to know about it.

"Okay Case. I trust you. Me and you against the world, right?" Raph slurs, his voice marked by sleepiness.

"Me and you against the world," Casey affirms.

Raph smiles and his eyes shut closed, nuzzling a bit into his pillow and falling asleep. Casey smiles, and for some reason, his glance doesn't stray from Raph's sleeping face. _Why wasn't he able to look away?_

 _Oh._

 _Oh no._

Casey's head fell back against the pillow, his hand over his stomach. His skin was tingly and his brain was buzzing, and he was using his energy to resist the urge to snuggle his friend, resist this realization in his head.

There was a reason that the silence was static – a static only caused by feelings which are horrid, feelings which should not be leaked. There was a reason why he kept staring, why he felt so rigid in only the best way, why he was so shook when Raph asked for his secret.

The truth was, his secret is that he is falling in love with his best friend.

His heartbeat began to pace quicker than usual, a drop of sweat crawling down his forehead, a warmth in the typically cold room than was almost suffocating. Casey Jones had a secret. A secret that he was keeping from Raph, even when he promised he didn't have any. A secret that if, it was to be exposed, could ruin the best thing he ever had.

A secret that he really wished could be out, if it were safe.

It was all so sudden, as Casey kept gazing at Raph who was sleeping in bliss, down to the hand he wishes he could hold.

For the first time in his adolescent years, he began to cry.

X

 _Two years later_

The night was buzzing under the starlight, the navy sky staring back at them. Raph and Casey ran through the alleyways with the fresh taste that only comes with being 18, ready for whatever crime may come their way. Sure, patrolling with the whole team was important to them, but going on missions just the two of them had something special to it.

"God, I hope we get to some ass-kicking tonight! There has been ZERO action around here lately and I'm starting to get real bored. How about you, Case?" Raph asked.

"Damn straight," Casey says. "The guys are gonna be so jealous when they find out all the fun we had."

"They shouldn't be so wishy-washy about stuff, then!" Raph laughs, scoffing at his brothers' lazy attitude lately. "At least when they start being a pain, I've got you."

They pause by a street corner to catch their breath for a minute. "So, what's the game plan for afterwards? You down for chicken wings?"

"Hell yeah I'm always down for chicken wings!" Raph exclaims, "Don't tell Mikey, but I would choose it over pizza if I had to choose a final meal."

"Good thing you won't have to have a final meal for a hell of a long time, as long as I'm around," Casey smiles affectionately, but subtle enough to conceal the part he didn't want Raph to see.

Before Raph can even reply, their conversation is cut short when a dreaded, haunting sound breaks through the air.

The sound of a gunshot.

"Fuck!" Raph says, grabbing Casey by the arm and swinging him into the corner so that they are both hidden. Casey slightly glances over the side, noticing the purple dragons walking in their direction.

"Hell, it's only the purple dragons! We could take them in our sleep! You ready?" Casey asks, a demented excitement in his voice.

"Did you not just here that gunshot, bonehead? We ain't no match for a bullet! We have to either retreat or call the others. April knows how to shoot, maybe she can help," Raph says.

"Call the others?! What, and show them that we can't do shit on our own? Hell no! Come on Raph, it's just those pesty vermin dragons. They can't know how to shoot right. How are we to even know the gunshot came from them?" Casey argues.

"It isn't worth the risk," Raph growls, beginning to grow frustrated.

"Well, if isn't another mutey and street rat out on our turf again?" one of them says.

"Too late," Casey shrugs, turning and kicking the gang member in the throat. "Goongala!"

Raph growls and pulls out his sais, following Casey into the road where the dragons meet them.

It seems a normal battle, punching and kicking and a few cuts here and there. The purple dragons seem to be falling to defeat, as two of them have already retreated, making Casey smile in pride, turning to Raph.

"See? I told you we could take them!"

It was in this second that Raph turned around, and saw that if Casey were to turn around, he would be looking into two-barrel holes staring right at him, Fong's finger resting on the trigger.

"NO!"

In the timespan of one second, Raph tackles Casey the way he did at that sleepover that one night and they crash to the floor with the echoing sound of a shot fired. Casey is suddenly pushed up against the asphalt of the alley, blood falling from his nose from that impact, and something is stopping him from opening his eyes.

Once he does, the world is a blur. The only thing he could make out is the sight of the purple dragons sprinting in the opposite direction.

"HEY!" he shouts, "You're not getting away! Come on Raph, let's get them!"

Raph does not give a response, confusing Casey. "Raph?"

He shakes off his headache and slides up, turning to what was beside him.

Raph was there, so very much there. He was there, laying in an expanding puddle of blood, a gaping bullet hole ripping open his chest.

"Raph?!"

Casey jumps up and stumbles over to him, touching him and then holding his own hand to his face, seeing that it was now painted with Raph's blood. "Fuck!"

"I damn told you we should've left," Raph grunted.

"Okay buddy, you're okay. I'm gonna call Donnie, and they'll be right here in a flash. This one's gonna be a bitch to recover from, but we'll be back out in no time," Casey assures, a big smile on his face.

"Don't call him," Raph says, "I don't want him to see this. Just don't leave me, okay?"

"Of course not," Casey's voice grows small and afraid, gripping Raph's hand, "I'll never leave you."

He pulls off his shirt and wraps it around Raph's wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding. "Just hang in there for a second, you'll be fine."

"Hey Case, remember that time a few years ago when we had that one sleepover, and we were talking about all the stuff we are gonna do?" Raph says, his eyes fixed on the sky. He didn't want to forget what it looked like.

"Of course I do Raph. We're going to do them soon, you know," Casey says, growing more anxious by the second.

"Casey, you're going to do those things. Do them or I'll find a way to come back and kick your ass," Raph says.

"What do you mean? I ain't doing them without you," Casey freezes, his complexion the palest that it's ever been.

"I'm dying, Casey!" Raph shouts a bit, coughing blood in response.

"No you're fucking not," Casey says, growing livid. "It's me and you against the world, remember? We promised, Raphael! You promised! Why the fuck would you leave me out here on my own, huh?"

"I'm sorry Case, I'm so sorry," Raph begins to cry gripping Casey's hand with the little strength he had.

"No, don't cry. It's okay, I'm here with you. I ain't leaving," Casey assures.

"I'm sorry I never made it to that world we talked about, but it doesn't matter. You're going to do all of those things, and I'll be there too, just not in the way we thought I would. Our world is never normal, we should've figured that it wouldn't be normal either. But you know what Case? It doesn't matter that I never got to see that world, because the only perfect world I need is a world with you in it. And I got that," Raph weakly smiles, his breath becoming extra wheezy and blood dripping down from the sides of his lips.

"Then why'd you get yourself shot?" Casey asks, his tone a little raised.

"I took a bullet for you because I love you, Casey!"

Casey stopped breathing for a second and paused in place. For the second time in his adolescence, he started to cry.

"I'm so sorry, I lied to you! I'm a liar," tears run down Casey's cheeks.

"What do you mean you lied?" Raph asked, his voice sounding more and more like a gasp.

"I lied that night, when I told you I didn't have a secret. I didn't really have secrets, but there was just one secret I had. The secret that I was falling in love with you!"

Both boys were silent again, the static back but on steroids. Casey's breathing became sharper and they both looked into each other's tearful eyes.

Raph smiles, the rugged, crooked smile that Casey came to love, but this time infected with that awful warm blood. "Casey, I want you to tell my family I love them more than life itself. And April, too. Tell her she's the best sister I never had."

"Don't leave me," Casey sobbed, his voice more vulnerable than it has ever been.

"I'll always be with you, Casey."

Raph uses the last strength left in his body to pull Casey's face towards his, pressing his shaking lips against his.

They stay like that for a moment, the electricity shocking everything in Casey, his hand around Raph's head to pull him closer. The moment he had always dreamed of was finally here. The secret was out, and it was safe.

As soon as Casey pulls away, keeping his face close, he feels one puff of breath against his cheek, and then the grasp on his hand lets loose. His eyes shoot open in terror, looking back into Raph, who's eyes slowly closed. The emerald light was gone, and his head fell back, his skin an abnormal pigment.

He was gone.

"No," Casey began to say, grabbing both of Raph's hands tightly, his tears blocking his view. "No, Raph, please. Don't leave me. Don't leave me, please."

There is no response – only stillness. A silence that was anything but static.

"Don't fucking leave me!"

He collapses onto his best friend's body, sobbing intensely into his chest, not caring if most of him had been stained by his blood. He pulls his face up and looks at Raph's, who appeared to be so serene. Just like that, he was 16 again, gazing at Raph's peaceful sleeping face while he had tears in his eyes. Only this time, he wasn't going to wake up in the morning.

He continued to sob, his ribs racketing with more pain than he had ever endured in his life. More pain than when his mom left, more pain that when his dad beat him, more pain than all of the times he had been hospitalized when stuff happened on missions. More pain than he will ever feel again.

The best thing to happen to him was gone, and the room would be frigid for an eternity.

X

 _Four years later_

It had been a busy night.

Casey Jones struggled with the key to his apartment, cursing himself until the door finally burst open. He sighed and quickly collapsed on the couch in exhaustion.

"You didn't tell me how back breaking pet sitting could be, dickwad," he says up to the ceiling. He walks into the kitchen to warm some chicken wings before bed as he often did.

"Sorry it wasn't your last meal, buddy. I hope all this will make it up to you."

Like many empty nights before, he went into his room and laid down, his eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"Today was a bitch, again. All these people are damned assholes, it really pisses me off that I can't crack their heads in too. I haven't fought since that night though, I'm on a record! Aren't you proud of me?"

Casey grabs the new Marvel movie from his bag and popped it into the disk player. "I do it all for you though. You wanted me to do it."

Smiling, he pulls the picture of Raph from his drawer, placing it on the bed.

"I hope you like our apartment. I got it close to Kony Island, so we could go all the time. Cool, right?"

With a tearful smile, he snuggled into his blanket and grasped onto the blanket. Now, he was 22, and he wasn't afraid to cry.

"I love you Raph. You and me against the world."


End file.
